Bronze, Silver and Golden Rules (pt. 1)

The “Golden Rule” is something of a universal in all religions and philosophies. It comes in a variety of presentations. The way the Golden Rule was presented to me was: "Treat others the way you would have them treat you." Not a bad rule indeed; however many times when I follow it I get into trouble.

I am a person who really appreciates having a fierce conversation with someone because I think that the conflict that comes from such conversation is creative and useful. Others are not a fan of such intense conversation or conflict. So when I engage in a conversation with someone and follow the golden rule that I was taught, I can get into trouble. While I want to be treated in conversation as a “sparring partner”, many others in my life do not desire this. While I am treating them the way I wish to be treated, they think that I am being a jerk.

There are countless examples where I am treating someone the way I wish to be treated only to discover that the other person perceives me as less than compassionate.

This is where I would say that the golden rule taught to me may be more of a silver rule. Not a bad rule, but it clearly has shortcomings – I might even submit there is a “bronze rule”: Do not treat others the way you would not have them treat you.

This “bronze rule” is the “silver rule” in the negative. So sticking with the example, I do not desire to be disrespected in conversation. So at the very least I need to not disrespect the other person. This “bronze rule” is helpful to guide us to do “no harm” but, like all other probations, it does not guide us to “do good”. Thus the “silver rule” (Treat others the way you would have them treat you) is helpful to guide us to action.

However, both the “bronze” and “silver” rules are egocentric. That is to say, it puts my needs above your needs. I want conflictual conversation. I do not want to be disrespected. These are not “bad”, but they put the self at the center of the action.

The next post will attempt to share an alternate presentation of the Golden Rule that steps away from egocentrism and into a more compassionate posture of living.

Looking into the eyes of others is a drain

Eye contact is a powerful and complicated practice. We know that eye contact can impair functions such as visual imagination but it turns out eye contact may also impair our ability to speak.

According to research by Shogo Kajimura and Michio Nomura, they found that participants were slower to generate complex verbs when looking into the eyes of someone on a screen. Their conclusions were not that eye contact impedes our ability to formulate verbs, but instead,

"They said the results are consistent with the idea that eye contact drains our more general cognitive resources – the kind that we need to draw on when some other task, such as speaking, becomes too difficult to be handled by domain-specific resources. That’s why the more complicated the story you’re telling (or excuse you’re making), the more likely you are to need to break off eye contact.

Looking away when we’re talking is something most of us do instinctively as adults, but this isn’t necessarily the case for children. Past research has shown that young children can benefit from being taught to avert their gaze when they’re thinking."

Scriptures speak about a variety of humans unable to look into the face of God for various reasons. This metaphor of our inability to look into the eyes of God , may very well speak to a biological limitation we all have. For reasons that I don't understand, looking into the eyes of another person drains a lot of cognitive energy, which may explain why many days of listening to people share their souls I am exhausted - I may be looking at the face of God and it overwhelms me.

Christians Eating Dog Food

Sitting at the local coffee shop and I met a computer programmer who works for GoToMeeting in the screen sharing department and her boyfriend who is a cancer researcher. They were by far the smartest people in the room. In the course of the conversation, I asked if they travel very often and it was stated that she (the computer programmer) travels a lot for work.

She said that at GoToMeeting they have a product that allows them to work remotely and so it is a great place for her to work at. She said that the company requires the employees to "eat the their own dog food." 

Having never heard this phrase before she explained that it is a way to ensure that the product is a good product: if you make it you have to use it (much like the people who make dog food must eat it to ensure it is not something they would not give their own animals).

Of course this instantly called to mind Ezekiel: 

“He said to me, O mortal, eat what is offered to you; eat this scroll, and go, speak to the house of Israel. So I opened my mouth, and he gave me the scroll to eat. He said to me, Mortal, eat this scroll that I give you and fill your stomach with it. Then I ate it; and in my mouth it was as sweet as honey.”

— Ezekiel 3

Superficially it seems like an odd metaphor to talk about eating the scriptures, but it is clearly a powerful metaphor for reflection.

Christians say it is important to love. That is great. Can we eat that dog food? 

Christians say it is important to forgive. Wonderful. When have you recently eaten that dog food? 

Christians say that there is nothing to fear for God is with us, but then we freak out with the rest of the world when things look bleak.

Maybe we Christians need to eat the dog food.

More from Patience With God

Patience with God is a book by Thomas Halik is a book on my to read list as the result of hearing recent MockingCast episode. In this episode it was raised that a portion of Halik's thesis is that the difference between being a theist and an atheist is patience in relation to doubt. It is a misnomer to think that theists are people without doubts or that atheists do not believe in things they cannot explain. The atheist is not wrong in their doubt (many Christians define theology as "faith seeking understanding"), the difference is that the theist is willing to ensure doubt rather than resolve it.

I don't know how it is that God became human in the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. I don't know how it is that we are reconciled with God through the cross. I don't understand the nature of the Trinity nor do I understand many of the faith claims of Christianity.

What I do know is that I have a lot of respect for the atheists that I know. Their work to resolve doubt is noble. It is however been my lived experience that doubt can never fully be explained. With every new discovery there are new questions and doubts. Thus, the posture that I believe leads to a mature life is that of learning how to endure doubt.

I know that I do not have the knowledge how to endure doubt, I do not have the strength to endure doubt on my own. These are just two of the reasons that I am engaged in a faith community. A community that can help me endure doubt.