Social Media is so negative - which is why I advocate for remaining

I have heard so many people these days tell me that they are not getting on social media because it is full of anger and hate. Which can be true. If you look at my Facebook feed you will see comments and stories that are full of rage and pain. It is not always easy to look at and read through, it is depressing. 

Social contagion is this idea that things in society move through groups similar to viruses. We have all experienced the "contagious yawn." And just like yawns there are other things that we don't think can be contagious ARE contagious. It turns out things like quitting smoking are contagious. So are things like frowning and smiling and even body temperature. 

Knowing this, that there are things that are contagious, it gives me a tool to remember when I tend to social media. Yes, negative things can be contagious - BUT so can the hopeful. While social media may not be the exact same as the unclean places of Jesus' day, for some, social media is an undesirable place to hang out. And just like Jesus hung out at the undesirable places with the unclean people/ideas, maybe Christians need to consider the ways we interact with social media and not run.

Do not forget, you are more contagious than you think.

Venting your anger may be making you angrier

In the fun book You Are Not So Smart: Why You Have Too Many Friends on Facebook, Why Your Memory Is Mostly Fiction, and 46 Other Ways You're Deluding Yourself, the author shares some of the work of psychologist Brad Bushman from Iowa State University. Bushman explored how venting your anger and revenge help us deal with our anger. He discovered that the idea of "venting" is not helping anyone do anything except become angrier. Here is the study from the book.

One group read a fake article about how helpful "venting" is, one group read a fake article about how pointless "venting" was and the third group read a neutral article. 

It is no doubt that Samantha Bee is comic genius, however in light of Bushman's work it makes me consider the role of cathartic comedy in culture. 

After reading, participants were asked to write an essay for/against abortion. Participants were told their essays were then assessed by other students when in fact they were not. Participants got their essays back and 1/2 of the participants were told their essay was great and the other 1/2 were told their paper was "on of the worst essays I have ever read." 

Those who got a negative response to their essay were then broken into two groups. Half of the group was asked to punch a bag, the other half were told to sit and wait for two minutes. Then they each played a game to see who could press a button first. The loser of the game would get a sound in their ears and the winner would be able to set the volume of the sound (between 0 and 10; 10 being 105 decibels, about the volume of a motorcycle). Participants were told they were playing this game against the person who graded their paper so negatively. 

On average those who punched the bag before the game set the volume at 8.5, while the sit still for two minute group set it at 2.47! The author points out, "The people who got angry did not release their anger on the punching bag - their anger was sustained by it. The group that cooled off lost their desire for vengeance."

If you believe that punching the system in the nose will teach the system a lesson or throwing punches is cathartic, chances are you will just be angrier. There is a place for anger to be sure, but it perhaps is best to feel the full force of that anger by sitting with it for a moment - so that the anger passes with the silence.

Why we cannot seem to let go of "everything happens for a reason"

Over the years (here, here, here and here.) I have written a few posts on the phrase "everything happens for a reason." What I have failed to identify in these posts is what is really behind this phrase and why we cannot let it go in our popular Christian culture. 

It all has to do with control.

Humans are under the spell that we are in much more control of things than we like to admit. We are reminded of this false sense of control daily. We set the temperature of our homes at exactly 76 degrees. We use a remote control and take birth control. We decide when to use cruise control and we talk about pest control. We believe we can control air traffic and crowds. We teach others how to be in control of emotions while looking for the newest diet to help us control our weight.

Additionally it is worth noting how deeply we resist giving up control (which may be why the great religions teach the path of surrender).

When we believe we are in control of more than we really are, we project that others must also be able to control more than they really can.

For instance we think that the President of the United States has a lot of control over the economy of the nation. Or we think that meteorologists can really predict the future. Or we think a pastor can grow a church. Or we think personal determination will inevitably lead to personal success. 

image from: http://blog.saintclairsystems.com/blog/topic/temperature-control

With all the reminders of how much we "control" we can see why "everything happens for a reason" is difficult to let go of. It is the ultimate creed of the god of control. It is the idea that someone, somewhere has to be in control because to think that things are not somehow under control is too frightening for us to imagine.

The most zealous devotees to the deity of control will even admit that we may not know right now or that we may never know what the reason is, but to trust that everything happens for a reason. This can be said because the reason is what is important but the soothing reminder that control is, well, in control.

Until we let go of control as cultural god, we will continue to hear "everything happens for a reason." The more we hold onto control the more we will miss the message of Jesus who teaches us about how to live in trust rather than in control.