Like Parenting, Christianity is Less Carpenter; More Gardener

A few weeks ago Hidden Brain had a wonderful little episode titled Kinder-Gardening. You can listen to the episode to the right if you would like.

If you have not heard this episode, it focuses on two competing metaphors for being a parent: a carpenter and a gardener. Where most of the books parents are encouraged to read and much of the conversation about how to raise children are influenced by the parent as carpenter metaphor, it stands to reason that for most of human history it is the parent as gardener metaphor that has guided us. 

The key difference in these metaphors, as you can imagine, is the locus of control. If a carpenter does the proper work they will get the proper product. The carpenter is a metaphor of control and is the dominate metaphor for living in the United States. Those of us in the United States have a false sense of control in our lives that it is almost laughable at how fragile we are when we are only slightly out of control. Just watch many Americans stand in a line or have to wait for the server to bring the menu, you can see frustration boil over because the lack of control is maddening (I know this all too well myself!).

Photo by Igor Ovsyannykov on Unsplash

The dominance of the carpenter metaphor bleeds into parenting to the point that society believes that raising children is like building a table. Just look at the most popular books on parenting. The carpenter parent metaphor is booming business. However, for anyone who has raised a child you know that there is so much that you cannot control that it is almost laughable to think that anyone could build the proper child to being with! Thus the metaphor of parenting as gardener may be more helpful.

Just as you cannot control the weather, birds dropping odd seeds and bugs eating your fruits, so too you cannot control much of a child: their DNA, their likes and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses, their friends, etc. Parenting today feels like having to unlearn the carpenter and learn the skill set of the gardener. 

Which leads me to Jesus. 

Jesus was raised by a carpenter and yet the vast majority of his parables use gardening imagery. In fact, other than the parable of the foolish builder in Matthew 7 and again in Luke 6, I could not think of any parable that connected to carpentry. 

It is interesting to me that even Jesus had to unlearn the carpenter and learn the skill of the gardener so to teach God's children how to live. 

Perhaps the invitation is to put down the hammer and pick up the shovel.

Come & See, Sit & Stay, Go & Share

The United Methodist Church, in some areas of the denomination, are freaking out over the decline of membership and participation. I get it. It is concerning to those of us who have our have become dependent on a paycheck from worshiping communities.

There are many who have suggestions on what is needed for a church to "turn around" participation and engagement. Of those suggestions, the idea of having a "discipleship path" has gained a lot of traction. A discipleship path is just a technical name of describing how a local church helps guide people into deeper relationship with Christ. There is much to be desired when talking about a discipleship path. Making a disciple is not like making a car on an assembly line, but there are many who are doing good work on this effort. 

After looking over several different discipleship paths, it seems that they are built on a common pattern - 1) Come and See, 2) Sit and Stay, 3) Go and Share.

The point in sharing this is that if you find yourself looking for a way to grow deeper in relationship with Christ, I submit this pattern:

1. Come and See - Jesus is calling you to see things that require you to leave your comfort zone (examples: worship, service with others, study, etc.)  
2. Sit and Stay - Once we arrive, it is important to sit and stay. As Abba Moses said, "Sit in your cell and your cell will teach you all that you need to know." (examples: meditation, prayer, discernment, etc.)
3. Go and Share - If we do not share with others then our spiritual formation is nothing but self-help (examples: teaching, evangelism, service with others, etc.)

Treating Conditions as Problems

In the winter we all know that the days run a bit shorter on sunshine. It is the way the whole rotation and tilt of the Earth works. It is something we all know is the condition of the planet, something we all learn to live with. We don't try to fix it because we know it is not a problem as it is a condition. 

This is not to say that shorter days in the winter is not something we all enjoy. I like sunshine and I prefer summer to winter largely because of the amount of sun that is available. But I know that winter is not a problem but a condition that we all live with, so I don't try to "fix" it.

There are so many things in our lives that are conditions that we refuse to see as conditions but problems. For instance, I struggle with anger and frustration. It does not take much to get me to "pissed off". I have addressed this in so many ways from counseling to meditation to journaling to breathing while counting to ten. I have tried self medicating with substances like wine and beer, I have tired to punch a pillow. Nothing has worked, I still get angry and I feel guilty that I get so mad.

It was not until I worked with a spiritual mentor that I came to understand that my anger and frustration are not problems that need to be solved, but conditions that I ought to learn to live with. And I can tell you, the more I embrace my anger as a condition rather than a problem the less frequent I experience anger. 

I understand there are real problems in our lives, however we may be too quick to diagnose a condition as a problem. 

What would it look like if you re-diagnosed the problem in your life as a condition that you need to learn to live with? Can you discover the freedom that comes from embracing this condition rather than trying to "solve" it? Can you come to see that the problem may not only be a condition but may also be the very thing you need in order to live a whole life?