I have toxins that a celery/prune juice cleanse cannot purge

In our culture's endless pursuit of immortality and illusion of control over the things of our world I have experienced a detox cleanse. For one week I attempted the Master Cleanse. It was okay. I am not adverse to these sorts of cleanses, but I have to admit that I have toxins that even the Master Cleanse cannot purge. 

We all have toxins that cannot be purged through a bodily cleanse. I know that we all are convinced that if it is not material than it is not "real". The grip of Aristotle's understanding of forms married with materialism and the supremacy of the scientific world, we are willing to talk about and even entertain a cleanse of our material body but resist (or discount as less important or less "real") a cleanse of our Spirit. Again, I confess that I have toxins that require a different detox. 

Enter the spiritual disciplines. 

I have the toxin of anger. I have the toxin of envy and pride. I have the toxin of lust and the toxin of idolatry. I have the toxin of violence. And no amount of lemon juice can detox my Spirit. 

Buy organic, great. Drink celery and prune juice, awesome. Workout and sweat our the toxins, super. But let us not fall into the trap that the way to the healthy life is just to be free from bodily injury and illness. Cancer can form on areas that cannot be measured on the PET scan. Our hearts can be beating normally but be hard as stone. Our vision can be 20/20 and still be blind. Our teeth may be perfectly clean and inline but our tongue can be full of venom. We may be slim but carry crushing weight. We may able to hold complex yoga poses but still remain inflexible. The healthy life is more than the body.

We all have toxins that a celery/prune juice cleanse cannot purge.

“For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing.”

— Jesus in Luke 12:23

"I am sick and tired of being sick and tired" - Fannie Lou Hamer

Recently Loyd Allen shared with a group of people I was with three simple lines that helped visualize the trap I feel caught in. I remade it google docs and embedded it below:

Generally speaking, I feel that the level of expectations that are placed upon me are at the red level. I feel like I am supposed to know all things theologically, have profound knowledge of the Bible, have visited every one in the church in their home and can share with anyone who asks about the status of everyone else, run the business side of the church, ensure we make our apportionment contributions, manage staff who each have their own expectations, give the best damn sermons that are engaging and thought provoking, model healthy family life and spiritual formation, give clear vision to every aspect of the church, attend city council/chamber/social club of your choice meetings, keep a rule of life, and be clean shaven at all times. My level of expectations is at the red level. 

In order to get to the red level I work at the grey level. Which is never enough for myself or others because the expectations are at the red level. So I am always letting a good number of people down at least some of the time. 

But what I can really do and maintain my own healthy boundaries is at the black level. If I really worked at the black level I would probably feel like I am lazy and others in the church would become even angrier at how far I am from the red level of expectations. 

We all expect too much from one another. We all expect red from people. We all need black. And grey makes me feel "sick and tired of being sick and tired". 

Can we just admit that most of the time we are all working in the grey, expect the red and dismiss the black level? Can we also admit this is unhealthy? Can we be the change to live more black and less red/grey?

Footprints in the sand, sort of...

There is beloved poem call Footprints. I have never been a fan of that poem. Maybe because I see it everywhere or because it harkens me to a sentimentality that might be helpful for others but is lacking for me. The more that I think about it thought I think my inability to connect with this poem is because of the location of the one walking on the beach in relation to Jesus. Not the part where the walker is being carried by Jesus, but the part where the walker is walking next to Jesus.

I feel called to follow Jesus. He is my leader and model. He is the forerunner of the faith. He is the one who steps first and I am behind him. He leads and I follow.

The poem gives me the impression that the walker is choosing to or has the courage to walk beside Jesus. I have a hard time following someone when I am walking alongside them. Sometimes I turn one way and they turn the other. I never really die to my agenda when I walk along side Jesus, which is why I believe he calls us to follow.

Today, I attempted to do what many have done but I never had. I attempted to literally walk in the footsteps of another person.

There were a set of footprints left in the sand and I began to follow them. Their gait became my gait. Their pacing became my pacing. Their turns and direction became my turn and direction. I had no idea where the steps would take me. All I did was follow.

In the beginning it was somewhat easy to walk step for step. There were no other prints along that stretch of beach and the shoe pattern was distinct and clear. Even though they were easy to see it was a little tricky to walk exactly in their steps. I got off balance sometimes and there were a couple of times I thought they were beginning to turn ever so much in one direction but they did not and I was off on the next footprint by a few inches. With my eyes fixed to the path and very alert to any changes in every step I found my leader began to step into beach that was more traveled.

This was a little more difficult to follow, but not too bad. At this point I had the pacing and spacing of my leaders footprints down. But instead of looking just for the very next step, I had to look up a bit in order to see where the leader was walking. If I focused on just the next step I could not recognize their footprint quickly enough and then I would break stride and become off balance. Additionally, due to the traffic of different prints, there were times I could not see the very next step but only the next step or two after that. In order to make it to the step I could see, I had to walk in faith and trust that I was stepping on the footprints of my leader. I had to walk by faith and not by sight.

The most difficult part of my mimic walking was when the prints turned and now the sun was to my back. This caused my own shadow to be cast right in front of me and washing out the footprints. I could no longer see the little shadows cast in the ridges of the footprint of my leader. The only way I could walk in the footprints of my leader was very slowly and only after I had moved to one side in order to allow the sunshine to reveal the footprints. My own dark side became an obstacle to following in the footprints of my leader.

In the call of Christ we are called to follow. A disciples does not walk in their own path and in their own way, but conforms their walk to that of the master, Jesus. It is cool to forge your own way, and in many ways it is easier than to try to exactly mimic another, but it seems clear the call of Jesus is to follow. Not to lead.